Bias towards openness
There’s a saying that’s become popular in the startup and tech world, which is “bias towards action.” It’s a great line; taking action is a good way to solve your problems, limit stressors and accomplish your goals.
I thought of another category to have a bias towards, openness.
It’s almost always better to reveal more than reveal less. Specifically, it’s important to talk about and express your vulnerabilities. What’s making you anxious, scared, sad, or angry? The reason people are closed off and unable to talk about their vulnerabilities is that they are afraid that people will judge them and view them in a negative light. The reason we are scared is mostly because humans evolved to be tribal, and we want to fit in as much as possible out of fear that if we are weak or stand out too much, we’ll be kicked out of a tribe. For much of human history, this was an extremely rational fear —being kicked out of a tribe would mean death because we needed the tribe for food, safety from predators, and shelter. But today, the fear of being kicked out of a tribe is irrational. We don’t forage for food anymore, we are relatively safe, and most of us have comfortable shelter. Unfortunately, not enough time has passed for us to evolve out of our fear of being kicked out of a tribe, so we are left with this irrational fear.
While we inherently think the person we are opening up to will view us negatively, in reality, opening up provides several valuable benefits.
Being vulnerable allows you to connect on a deeper level. Your relationship with the person grows stronger.
Oftentimes, the person you are being vulnerable to is going through or has gone through something similar. This allows you to get actionable advice from them on how they’ve dealt with the issue. Our problems are never completely unique; on the contrary, they are probably much more common than we think.
Opening up causes a tremendous amount of relief and a weight off your shoulders. It’s very akin to therapy, except free.
It’s likely that you are being too hard on yourself or thinking about the issue irrationally, and the person you’re talking to can tell you that.
We think that opening up will cause uncomfortable feelings, and it sometimes does for the first few seconds, but after an initial discomfort, the benefits start to emerge and can be profound.
Have a bias towards openness.